ano bang nakita mo doon?

Ano bang nakita mo doon at nagkakaganayan ka? Asked my brother when I was looking at the grad video, the night after the second time I went to DLA. Three months, and I have only been there twice. In two very different situations.

I feel so nostalgic of going back home, going back to DLA. When I went there hours ago, everything seemed so different. Everyone passes by each other, nodding, smiling. Most of them go to the lockers and stash away books and notebooks for next Monday’s use. Some hurry to the teachers, consulting something, some go to the CR and fix their hair, take a piss or simply chat inside the bathroom. I remember the old days. When I used o be one of the "some" people I describe now. I look at those lovers walking together their lockers, those friends teasing each other, those leaders shouting at their group mates, and a CAT officer giving commands. I used to be one of them. Once I was a part of the scene. Once I was in high school. Once.

(the ff would be in English-Spanish because it’s actually dyahe for to the ones involved if they see their names here-and at the same time, whoever reads this would not go telling this "person" about this entry, because I assume, they would not understand this.)

era una chico fuera de la aula que esparanos. Recuerdo la hora cuando el dice a mi que nosotros caminar a bajo juntos. Recuerdo los momentos cuando el y yo tenemos tiempo para hablar sobre todas las cosas. Tambien, recuerdo una dia cuando el esta en mi case durante de los noches, donde el toca su guitarra y tambien canta aunque su voz no esta bueno. Desde el fin de mi segundaria, no me encontra el ni habla con el. Por que? Hay una simple explinacion. Cuando alguien no quiere hablar contigo, tu haces la misma.

(if somebody who knows the language reads this, do correct my grammar, and don’t mind the accento.)

The first time I went to DLA after graduation was on a much unexpected date. No one was around, enrollment was not yet over, summer classes were over and nobody was at the grounds, nobody but the guards. I strolled at the corridors where I used to steal glances to my varsity player crush while he practices (go b!). he paseado la paseo donde "el" coge su agua. I strutted at the promenade, feeling the way it was during prom night, I was walking the court. The court where I use to shout for my favorite players **ehem** and the same court where I fought with my best friend so many times I can hardly keep count. And then, I stood at the stage, donde nosotros presentabamos muchas actividades, y donde el toca son su banda.

It was an emotionless trip. Then I wasn't feeling so much, yet I remembered many different random things. A touch, those words, me chasing him throughout the court, him irritating me with all those pang-aasar that I hardly ever tolerate. Him with another girl, me with another boy on a program. Me in that short skirt, him in the tux. I the Spanish girl, he the (bleep). He, the player while I was the perpetual nerd. He at the varsity, I at the science club. Such different people. No wonder we were always arguing. But still, we made it through a highschool friendship that I can say, (unfortunately) is purely platonic. (iba si "he" sa paragraph na to, from the "el" I kept mentioning in Spanish and "b" who I was cheering.)

Back to the story…


My brother noticed how aloof I was at the mass tonight. I wasn't talking, and I wasn't loud. Here at home he asked me the same question. ANo daw ba kasi ang nakita ko sa DLA at nagkakaganito ako…..

I saw old friends, ive seen again the uniform I no longer wear, I was able to talk to my beloved teachers and at the same time I was back at home. I had the greatest time. But then bakit nga ba ako nagkakaganito?

It was not what I saw. It is simply because there is something lacking in what I saw. Wait. Yess, I did see everything alright. But there was something lacking in what I felt. Lacking from a certain someone. A certain someone who I think is still angry with me. A certain someone who I know (knowing him) blatantly avoided me that day, Secreto na lang naming ni someone yon. Yun ay kung alam niyang siya un.

*aie, if u r reading this. The last few lines are the reason why I don't want to return anymore.