ligaya ng jolibee

1st week of school, DOWN! :D

ang saya talaga. mainly because of the fact taht right now, i am at home, and right now, i am resting. many would think, especially those who really know me, that the only reason i am happy is because my room is again airconditioned. at dahil sa bahay, may tv ulit ako. it is a point. but it is not the entire truth.

it is for one, because the first week was not easy. it is another thing when people ask you about the first day. you are expected to give a happy answer you should be perky, tell them you enjoy and that you are actually having the time of your life. pressure is high. especially in my case. i chose to be here, instead of DLSU-M, nearest and more logical choice to many ofmy classmates. but not to me. i was done with a private school. i needed adventure. and by gooly, it was exactly what i got.

entering UP was another adventure. the jeepney rides, the smell of smoke on the city, the forest ambiance that welcomes you to the university in the academic oval, all of it would make shivers run down my body. this was it! this was my first day.

"bayad po! isa pong UP Theater"

it was a good thing manong driver was very courteous and even told us where to walk, dropping me off at the nearest possible stop. but i was not alone though, i was not alone, but i was lonely.

the day continued with a freshman orientation in the morning and a freshman orientation for CAL students in the afternoon. again, i was not alone, i had thousands of other freshmen students around me, and ironically, i was lonely. ironically, this supposedly home, felt cold and strange. much to everyone's surprise, i went home that night. luckily i had no class during wednesdays,the best ever schedule i got in my entire life. being at home would beat any day in UP.

and then, there was the boarding house. it was a big room. i had room to dance, or sing, or whatever without bumping into anything. i had time during the mornings to contemplate,think or just chill out. it is again supposed to feel like home. thanks to tita annie,the place looks a bit like the baliuag home and our home here in cavite, but the first night was cruel. i had such a hard time sleeping. and then again, it was not home. but home just the same-my home in QC.

but whenever i come home from UP, i pass by the polluted PHILCOA side of Quzon City,and then to the long, long, long road of kalayaan. i cruise down a very sesame street avenue, and then i spot JOLIBEE.

that place taught me the happiness jolibee brings. because seeing the jolibeein kalayaan avenue means i belong. i had a place to be. even in a strange city, in a city where i am the stranger. i am actually home.

ngaun, pareho na kami ng pinsan ko. mahal na mahal na namin si jolibee. magkaiba nga lang ang rason, pero bakit ba? natutunan ko pa rin ang ligaya ng jolibee.

is she still?

today i did something i had to do a long time ago. something long overdue. i finally told a friend all the grudge i had been bearing for a very VERY long time. these grudges may i add-is all about her.

let us just say that i really was expecting it to be ugly. but guess what! it was not. know why? because she did not react to anything that i told her. why? because my accusations are true after all. and i was not wrong. i was never wrong all the while. we finally left the resto without even me shouting or raising my voice at any point. katuwa no?

actually hindi. i hated the way she had been like that. all calm and collected. i guess she knows i am right after all. what's the use? but i mean she could have told anything! ANYTHING AT ALL! give me reasons why she did that. give me a reason why she was like that and how the hell did she even had the courage to treat me like that! i guess she just was not like that in anyway.

and as i was saying. she is perfectly timid all through out.

hello! she will NEVER be timid the way she did all those things. o ngayon? ngayon na kailangan mo na siyang magsalita?!?!? asan?!?! eh di wala. shit.

i mean, may magagawa ba naman ako? siyempre wala. kaibigan pa rin after all. so ayon. the day ended that we watched a movie. pero i ewan di ako satisfied.

i would like to think that i am not satisfied because she did not reason at all, she did not argue back, she did not raise her voice. she. she she. all of this. SHE. ok. fine. may be it was me then. i did not get what i expected. i did not get miss panicky all over the whole damn place. i guess that was it then. me.

i admit, although grudgingly, that at the back of my mind, i wanted to shout at her, tell her how lousy she was doing all those things. one lie could be enough to shout. but it did not happen. it did not happen. i so badly wanted to have a reason not to speak to her all througout my life. i really craved for a moment where again, i would come right, that it would be all her fault and i would storm out of the mall. but i guess it was just not right.

she was a friend after all.
or is she still? after all she did?