street food extravanganza?relationships

i went to church few hours ago. well, let's just say there are things there better left unsaid and better left like that.

anyway, as i was walking, (still within the church's area), tehre's this crosswind that slowed down near us. i think it's because of jamie. she said she knows the car. anthony majuca's, as she said. i do not know much of the guy, as far as i know, he's allan's bestfriend.

we walked until we reached the talipapa. i nearly forgot how it actually looks during evenings. there's no vendors left inside the market itself, but the outside looks fantastic! there's streetfood everywhere. sago, gulama, hamburgeres (filipino style of course), fruits, lugaw and sumpia (yummy!), balot, isaw and atay, and whatever things you cna think of that is akin to streetfood. ;)

feels like being back in my childhood. dad used to bring me there a lot. we'd eat at the "barbecue section" and then bring some for home on sunday nights. yummy!! memories of childhood and the dad i miss so much.

hahaha. a date in talipapa? why not! :P

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relationships evolve as you grow older. as a child, it's all about perfection, reality in your own, derived from a hans christensen tale.and then you become enter the awkward not yet a teen, no more a child stage. tehre you start to hate the opposite sex. for you, they're just purely stupid and dumb. then you get into highschool. you enter the classroom jungle (hahaha!!), hating the opposite gets eliminated, you actulaly start to feel attraction. you get your first boyfriend. there it's just about love and feelings, since this is all your firsts. as you the grow old, relationships take in a new form. this time, it's just not the emotional. this time, it's all about everything,. your financial, emotional, sexual, and physical aspects.

this time, there's room for deception, lies, hurting, satisfaction.

and i am actually afraid to even try.

the best integration

i am really glad the integration is over. it feels so good to have all the things you are worrying for finished.

sense of accomplishment.

that agiluz-alwina partnership was a real hit. they were hooting and screaming when denzel and i had posed there in the center of the stage. i was really trembling and nervous. thank god for denzel. he was evem the one who told me, "ate steph, nanginginig ka. relax ka lang." i laughed. it feels so great to have denzel by my side those times. :) it's good that a guy like him has no air of malice in his body. i enjoyed his company, those practices. besides. looking back, i think that posed really looked sweet. hehehe. =) teresa likes denzel by the way. hahaha! i really had made a great decision by making denzel my agiluz. i did not make a mistake in any of it. bwehehehe. =)

many have been telling me, we had chemistry on stage. hehehe.. bagay ba?? hahaha!!! only, i do not like denzel as a crush. parang kapatid ang turing ko doon eh. lil bro. =)

patricia was really friendly. besides, the gown she wore was cute. really cute. she's super friendly. she keeps on talking with me, she always sits by my side during the integration. everyone else had been the same, but patricia's really the sweetest. nice group i had belonged to. i am so glad and proud. even if we did not win, it's alright with me. what matters is that i had fun. i had been friendly and outgoing for the first time in my life. =) it's really great!!!!!!!! and i can't stop rambling about it!

eugene was so sweet! she texted me last night saying how much she nejoyed the integration with us. aww.. that batch, that group is super sweet. i couldn't be happier. :)

allan danced yesterday for the program. when he started moving, i was taken aback. BIGAY NA BIGAY ANG BESTFRIEND KO! and i rarely see him do that! even in the cheering competitions he is in, he never dances that way. he danced great! =) hehehe. he looked really good onstage. but the point is, i was still surprised by taht dancing he did. i guess there's still more than what i know. and i am proud that he's mybestfriend. go lan! :) he was really great yesterday!!!!!!!!! SUPER!!!!!!!

watever reasons

it started as pat's joke to cast me as the Alwina. i am really REALLY hesitant. i do not like the crowd(especially being in front of it), i hate being the main star, i hate being the center of attention.

and then a blessing in disguise, denzel showed up in our group, i wanted him to be my agiluz. then that's where we started talking.

=)

blessings come in different forms.


happY!

for whatever god damned reasons

well, i do not want to say these thing about people behind their backs. but what i so want is that i get what i want and when i want,. thanks to blog.

i guess it's just that i end up comparing those teachers i really loved from these teachers who i now have. a really big difference. it's irritating.

the way he talks. the way his voice is super loud yet you can not understand a single thing he is saying. the way he irritates me with this walking manner where his stomach is forever sticks out. the way he makes us do all those worksheets. the way i can never understand anything he says!! i hate him. period. that new teacher. sue me. i just want my old teacher back.

the way her voice is ALWAYS hard to understand. the way she says she's strict, but never gets teh whole class' attention. the way she never makes a sense. her bookishness!!!! sue me again! i need my olod teacher back. i hate hjer. that new teacher of mine.

what i cannot understand is that i cannot understand a word they say. it's as if i really have to lean close just to understand. ang labo nila. nilang dalawa. i miss my old ELA and MATH teacher. i ahve nothing against my new ones but i guess they have not measured up to what i was used to..

so okay, after a 2 whole paragraphs of hate letters.

i guess i'll give them a chance.---0000---


sir nikolai was at school yesterday. same cool guy i had known. boys had been telling me that he's like gay because of his really takative manner. they totally are on the black propaganda thing. i mean, they're just intimadated i guess. well, who cares what they think.

what's important is that for me, he's really the best. cool and interesting. he is not a fake. he is whoever he is. i nejoy being around him. and yeah, it;s a joy when he said he was touched by my testi and how he tallks to me when we saw each other a few times on the DLA campus.

he's not my crush. but i guess, he has this thing that makes people like him. the truthfulness. the no BS aura.

that which is hard to find at DLA.

it does not hurt to dream

it's again, another all night-er. alone on the pc, the music keeping me company and the rest of my thoughts left to wander all night.

i decided to do something more fruitful tonight. i researched on the 4 elite universities in this country and on the courses they have that actually struck my interest.

• University of the Philippines, Diliman


• University of Sto.Tomas


• De La Salle University


• Ateneo de Manila University

for anyone who might need an application form of DLSU and UST, i have a file here in my pc, so just send me a mail and i'll be sending you one, as soon as i read your mail. i did not get any from UP because i already have one (from sir nikolai) and the ADMU site does not offer any downloadable forms. so here's teh only help i can give you guys.

anyway, as i had done my research, the more i read about UP, the more i get excited. it's as if every word i read makes me want to go there more. i finally decide on BSBAAA(B.S Business Administration and Accountancy) and got a preview of my syllabus. it's part of my dream to be in the corporate world. to give the drive i have the work it had always dreamed of having. maybe after that i'll be having my masterals and then i would be head of the financing dept. of an multi national company. dreams! :P but then i am going so fast already. as i study BSBAAA, i's like to join those orgs they have at the college of arts and letters and visit the exbihits they would be having at the college of fine arts. and at late nights spent at them, i's be going home with a group of friends or maybe a "someone special". :)

hear those things? a girl's ramblings. it does not hurt to dream, right? :D

there's this thing about UP that makes me jump up. that excites me. that makes the hair at the back of my neck stand to the end.each time, it feels like being in an almost surreal world. so idealistic. but i know college won't be like that. there's still room for adjustment. ;)

aside from the college dream, there's something else.

i actually dreamt of this guy once.... in the dream, there was this upcoming major test in Math. everyone was asking my help to tutor them in Math, along with everyone, was this guy. i taught all of them what i understood. the day the test results were released, everyone passed but me. i was crying so hard. it felt so wrong. i felt so stupid, so weak. they all were consoling me, telling me it was ok. but i knew better that it was not. we have this practice. i was still sad. the same guy (who apparently, in the dream, may be a really close friend) was sitting beneath a tree's shade. i sat beside him and then broke down. he kept telling me all these wonderful things on how i did i good job by helping everyone, and that me failing teh exam has nothing to do with my short comings, it may really hadn't been my day. as i was crying on his shoulder, the guy hugged me, i was shocked by the move he did and then i fell asleep in his arms.

the moment i woke up in my reality, i felt the tears in my eyes, in my pillow, and it seems that ia actually remember being in the scene of my dream..

my mystery guy.

explanations

i really acted impulsively last tuesday night that i know nobody could have understood what i meant to say by that blog i wrote.

i was really irritated by the fact that i was not classmates with most people i am expecting to be classmates with. i am not truly sad with the outcome of my section, but my point is that teh majority of people i want to eb with was not with me. Flor, jamie, shena, allan and everyone else. when it was the time when i need to be with my peeps, that's when they take me away from them. when i heard the news, i really cried. i know, it's a really shallow problem. but when you are in my position you;d actually understand what it feels.

what's left of that is nothing but to look at the brighter side of life that i could still possibly have. it's not so bad after all. i am with johanna(my buddy i missed so much), teresa (i missed her too since i was not her classmate last SY) and kang(ever trustworthy kang).

i still am set to have a great school year. and i know, i'd still make the most of it.
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i heard about something today.

and i can only say one thing.

as you try to forget something, it's actually really hard. it is very depressing. especially in a case where you are revolving around that something taht is involved in a someone whos is in the same circle of friends and around the same people you had grown up together with.

i do no want this to be "double-standard-ed" just because this has something to do with me, but, i do hope you do not give up one that dream.. whether you believe it or not, i actually had become used to that dream. it is something that actually wakes me up in teh morning and tells me a reason why i have to work hard right now. don't give up on me.. don;'t give up on that dream. but... if you are so sure that you really want to leave all this behind, do not let me keep you.

i'd let you go n that own dream of yours. even if that means i am not included in it. that's what it is all about.

however all this ends up, i would actually be glad that i had you once.

ang lungkot ko

naiiyak ako...

ayoko na....

=((

caught up in fantasy

my summer's ending!

i got home sunday morning from capiz. i even thought the plane was going bakc to roxas because of the zero visibilty condition in manila. it's a good thing the pilot was able to do something or whatever it is he did.

my las few days in capiz had been the absolute best. thanks to my mom being there and her friends. just listening to their conversations actually kept me entertained. i miss them there. tito bong kept cracking these jokes in the airport. entertaining they were but i pity tita ganda for being the subject of those jokes.

i am very thankful for the opportunity to actuallly even spend a week in capiz. i enjoyed it. thanks to my mom's friends, my super hospitable grandmother, my lola's house staff and my the laptop for keeping me sane there. =D
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i'm actually watching till there was you here at home right now. corny ko! there was this line here, "ano ba ako sa 'yo?" it suddenly struck me. i had longed so much to ask "somebody" this. then another person also came up and told me how he apparently felt for me. i got wound up in those things for quite a while only to realize i'm back to zero.

i can't explain exactly why. but i still trust that i still know what i want and from the last moment i have sad these words, what i want is still the same. and i know, that in the long run, however long that run may be (5-10 years from now),it still will be the same dreams.

if i find myself alone in these dreams one day, i'd cry, i'd break down, but i surely would be glad taht he had found what it is he really was looking for.

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SM Iloilo

finally!!! mom's already here! i missed her. nobody can drive tha fast, ride with my music, love my quirks. yup!! she's already here with me!!


we went to SM Iloilo yesterday.the trip was 3 god damn hours. ang tgal! the road was even not that good. i had a headache fronm all the bumps. and with tito bong's driving, everything grew worse. it's a good thing i had been able to sleep when we we're nearing SM.

i shopped for shirts. then we went and fetched mummy, ahd lunch at tatoy's and then again. wnet to the gruelling 3 hour trip..

yummy choc chip cookies..
icky weather.
great vacation.

being a BEREBER

this is the first time in my life that i had understood the power behind my middle name. i never knew how being a BEREBER mattered so much.

the santacruzan was done hours earlier at the public plaza at pontevedra. i am part of that (not a queen of course) as a speaker. they gave me this introduction that flattered me at first ("This beautiful young lady....-i was pretty sure tita wen did that introduction) and then to the nearing end where they said my parents name. the introducer said it like this: she is the daughter of mr. emmanuel encarnacion and ms. cherrylin BEREBER encarnacion. get the point?? emphasis is on BEREBER.

a little background check. Bereber is mom's maiden name. My grandparents (her parents) had been the prominent rich families here in pontevedra (hence, the lifestyle of my mom).

The point is:
prominent=wealth=popularity=status

my grandfather (the late roberto bereber) was one of the most famous lawyers here in pontevedra in his time. he founded the knights of columbus in this place. my grandmother (corona bereber) had been the prncipal of the two schools here. she had been head of the ladies of charity for the longest time imaginable. she did not force her power. she was simply re elected. the both of them together built thsi very large business, the don pablo bereber hacienda. many people work for them, they are active in church, the priests loved them, parties are held in the house daily, and they had been the most powerful in this town. the name held power.

that's why the emcees kept on emphasizing my middle name. for a person like me who had always worked for recognition, THIS is very new. i was again recognized by this seminarian who did the closing remarks. here's what he said, "i would also like to recognize the prezence of our guest speaker stephanie BEREBER encarnacion." notice that this time, they ommitted martina, but still, did not forget to emhasize my middle name.

yes, the name held power, but it had not been that great. when mum was only 12, my randfather died. from then on, the business lied low.o, the family was not reduced from riches to rags. there had been tightening of the belt, tehy still have evrything. but it is not like what it had been before. looking around this house right now, it is still very glorious. no doubt that it is one of the best houses ever. but imagine this place, what it had been at the peak of it's glory. the glory of a BEREBER.

one of the really intriguing love stories ever was my granparents'. lolo was a lawyer, my lola was a teacher. she had been assigned here in pontevedra and during those times, lolo was a playboy. his friend kept telling him, "ikaw gid ya robening, indi ka gid bala kabalo sang kung ano ang babayi nga tama. muna! si corona. ina gid sa ya nang babayi nga dapat!" (you robening, do not know what a good find in a woman is. taht Corona! she is a catch!) until one thiing lead to another and my playboy lola courted ms. perfectionist lola. lolo was even threatened by many other suitors of my lola in mambusao since they think he was all airs. it was a love against the world. they got married in secret. with only their bestfriends knowing, but no matter, in the end, they made the marriage work. up to the death of my lolo and the old age of my lola, she never found anybody else. it had always been my lolo..

love. cliche-d line. love moves in mysterious ways, but i really like the story of my grandparents'. it goes to show that it does no amtter what others think. what's important is this.

the prestige of our name. everytime i go back here, i'll always have it. even if i am not here, it'd always be with me. i'm lucky to be part of this family. not only of the status, but just being with them makes all the difference.