........

There are places I remember

All my life, though some have changed

Some forever not for better

Some have gone and some remain

All these places had their moments

With lovers and friends

I still can recall

Some are dead and some are living

In my life I've loved them


if only to justify why i had been "this way" for the past few days.. or maybe even weeks, i quoted the beautful song of the beatles. at this point.. there are certain things i am bound to forget. maybe, most of it is due to my own choice, that i wanted to forget them myself. why would not i? some remind me of tears.. of the times hate filled me up so much that a side of myself showed up. a side i never knew about. how ever hurting those things were.. i know i can never forget them.. how my it devastated me.. and though many would not understand why i could not just let him go, like how i planned it to be.. there is a difference. that many would not understand. maybe.. in time.. time when i am not seeing him again..

you may ask.. have the wounds healed? yes.. all wounds have healed.. yes, that is true.. had i been lying, i know they would see right through me. had i been lying i would be the loneliest person when he is not with me, when i know, friends, or even less, is that all that we could be. had i been cheating my own feelings, every picture, even the slightest moment when my skin touches his would be the only thing to make my heart beat faster..

but this is not the case anymore.. because it had been long ago that a heart could forget.. as it easy as it did fall in love..

but love.. or at least.. that kind of love.. is not the issue with me anymore... it is actually the least of my concerns.

--------------------------

let us just say.. that i was betrayed by a girl.. or a woman.. if u must, but i still think she (even i) is still a girl. with the way she had acted. that. is very girlish. childish.

the nerve to even get me in her scheme to go out of the house. to use my name, just to go somewhere else. she! she of all people. i do not question anything else that she had been doing this summer, that i leave up to here, she had her own decisions to make, her own life to live so why would i botehr how she does it? teh only thing that is troubling me right know is that she, used me! USED ME! in the worst even way possible. akala ba niya hindi ko alam ang pinaggagagawa niya behind my back? iyong iba niyang pinaggagagawa, wala akong pakialam doon. sige, kung iyon ba ikaliligaya niya, kung doon ba siya masaya, eh di gawin niya. pero noong ginamit niya iyong pangalan ko para lang sa sarli niyang kapakanan, para magsinungaling, doon ako nagagagalit! ang kapal naman ata noon diba? siguro hindi niya alam na alam ko, pero sana sa susunod na gagawin niya yon, siguraduhin niyang wala akong dahilan para tumawag sa kanila.. at wala ring dahilang tumawag sa kanila ang ibang parte ng barkada, para lang marinig na.. "NA KINA STEPH SIYA".

hindi niya ako kakaringgan ng kahit ano pa man. bakit nga ba diba? buhay niya yon. sige. pagbibigyan ko siya. pagbibigyan ko talaga siya. pero hindi ibig sabihin noon hinahayaan ko lang iyong ginawa niya. sa pagkakataong tumawag dito ang bahay nila para tanungin kung nasaan siya, magsasabi ako ng totoo. doon ako sigurado.

naiinis talaga ako sa ginawa niyang pagsisinungaling.
at sa paggamit ng pangalan ko.