the star: an idiotic imbecile

My recent lack of posts justifies how hard it is to claim a hundred posts, especially when you are only at least ten posts away from the goal. Seriously, this is the worst writing stump I have been in lately. This plus my newly recognized lack of art in saying what I want, which according to a friend, is actually something I am good at. So sorry friend, art is not my friend lately. Besides, art is just an abstraction and even if the idea is all perfect, I don't see it being graded lately.

I have been meaning to write about something significant. You know, those things that could actually come upon as brilliant. The things that will matter to the entirety of manhood. The stuff that people would actually bother reading about: politics, religion debates, economy, sociological issues, etc. But, I cannot think of anything good to write, not with this crazy thoughts going on inside my head that I cannot tell anyone because that is just not me. So, since this is my blog, this is my space and I am entitle to what I want to say as we have democracy in this country, I will now say all that I need to let out of my system.

So, as a disclaimer: Basically, this is just me, with all my pent-up frustrations lately and without knowing how I am supposedly letting it all go graciously. So, pardon the tact or whatever, I am just going to rant.

See, the situation is really not how I expected it to be. Since I am the one offended here, I am the one who is supposedly ignoring and making him feel like he is the worst imbecile there is on the planet for not choosing me. So I am playing this game where I am too proud to even send him an SMS message. What, is it not enough that I get chosen over someone he met recently? I, at the very least, owe myself that, I owe myself that pride. So there. I am leaving him alone and off with that girl chosen over me. Fine. But what is this, what do I still feel like I care?? I do not want this feeling, and I am certainly not encouraging this! I did not dream of feeling this way, but why?! It's enough that my love is actually non-existent but the fact that there's this part of my neurons aching to hear something from that idiotic imbecile is really starting to irritate me.

As if my neurons are not stressed after studying philosophers and mathematic equations, do they really have to even generate a thought, a thought that is actually possibly the worst thing it could do now, a thought that sends me off the wall, a thought that I cannot still let go, mainly because I haven't had my revenge yet?

The trouble mostly is that, even though all of my psychotic neurons are forced to forget every memory of him of the past four years, all of my muscles have have lost their strength climbing nine mountains in Batad, and all the things he gave me are now back to the soil in the form of ashes, there's still that teeniest minute part of myself that just can not forget.