past and the present

Look. It's a friend's birthday soon ( I want to eliminate the date, in case he/she sees my blog). It's been a month since we last talked. It's been four days sine I last saw him (we did not talk, because it seems he did not see him. Hah! As if. If really did not, I am pretty sure he heard of it somewhere that I was there. Well, may be not. But who cares?

Well, if you ask me, I really do not understand myself. At all. In any given circumstance, I would not understand what I am complaining about. In the first place, I wanted this, did not I? I wanted to be left alone for college. I wanted to live a life away from the seeming problems I had in higschool. And because of this, I pushed him away. Sa kakatulak ko, I got what I wanted which of course was not what I really want in the first place.

Looking back, I feel like I was such a bitch, pushing him, pushing him, pushing him. God. I did not know it was this hard. I did that for my friends. Para wala ng gulo. They kept having these issues about him. And there you go. Dahil pinagbigyan ko sila, ayan tuloy, ako nahihirapan. I wish I did not listen to them. Maybe I would have had a much better life now. Maybe right now, I was still talking to him. Maybe.

To all those who are in a similar boat, go ahead and live your own life, do it your way. Wag gagaya sa akin. Otherwise, you will end like me. Hanging on all the what could have beens.

Pathetic.


I don’t want to stay in QC this Friday. It's already the annual UPCAT this coming Saturday and it will definitely be MAJOR TRAFFIC.

I’m excited for my friends who’s taking the UPCAT. I cant get enough of giving them advices. I just want them to be here next year. Papadamihin naming ang mga binhi ng DLA. :P hehehe. Since Monday, I've been giving advices to Hez and Ampie. I hope it helps though. I just want them to be here next year. And by them I mean even those not mentioned. Galit ako sa mga hindi mentioned. (uuy, bitterness).


It's Ranen's birthday on the twelfth!
Galingan mo pagpaplano Jo!!! :D


You can't have everything that you want. That's for sure.

Another friend has kept in touch a few days ago. (reading the message, I was hoping it was the other hindi na namamansing friend, but no…). here's his text message.

Last night, I had a dream about you. We were in a room together with our friends and if I am right in that dream it was the last time we were going to see each other. Deep inside me, I wanted to hold you. I wanted to be with you one last time but I was just too afraid to let them see it, afraid that they might give it another meaning. But it's the last time, I told them to get out of the room, and leave you and me alone. They did not mind me, so I shouted. And then, they left us. I cannot seem to remember what I told you in my dream, but I cried my heart out and hugged you for the first and last time.

That has been edited. I took off the redundancies and other grammatical errors. So there. What do you think?

Thanks to the one who gave me that sms. As I told you, it was deeply appreciated.