What Do You Want For Christmas?

What Do You Want For Christmas?

“What do you want for Christmas?”

This question never fails to draw a blank on me. What do I want for this Christmas? After that momentary blank, I think of something, whatever appeals to me at that moment, usually material desires: those pair of new slippers I saw in the mall, a new phone, an iPod maybe, or better yet, the laser jet printer I have been eyeing for a year now. But then, will the person who asked me afford it? So I contemplate more, think of something cheaper and personal and then I end up staring into space.

“You just think about what will make you happy,” he says.

Then, I really start thinking. What does make me happy? What constitutes that warm feeling of happiness? How do we become happy? Will the gifts I have thought of make me happy when I receive them? After opening my gifts, after I used them, will I still be happy? How long does happiness last? What does it mean, really, being happy?

So, what is happiness?

We all know that happiness does not last forever. I believe the first nature of happiness is its ephemera. This is a point of which I agree with Aristotle, happiness instinctively occurs, say upon discovering a new activity or talent but it also fades away and does not last forever especially not in the same intensity as it started out in the activity.

For example, upon meeting someone you can totally connect with, we experience a great deal of happiness as there is no one unlike that person whom we shared so much common interests and experiences with or our life time. But, that feeling is not going to last. The degree of our happiness may go down as we get to know more about the person. One of these reasons may be is as we do the task of conversing with them everyday, we do not take it as an interesting experience anymore. It then becomes a mere task, something associated with the mundane, daily chores or errands that just have to do so as not to inflict any negative feelings on the second party. As this kind of attitude sets on, the enthusiasm surely wears off and it is then that problems will actually arise.

This is what I believe every couple, on the boyfriend-girlfriend stage or married, passes through in their lives. During the first years of marriage, the couple feels the warm and giddy feeling of love between each other. Although it is also at this point in time that they experience more problems with adjustment, many couples make it, as they have, similar with every start of any activity, a higher threshold for tolerance and patience with one another. But then always comes the point where enough is simply enough and that things that were annoying in a certain cute way are not cute anymore that they actually become a bother. Problems enter the relationship, and the experience of course is anything but happy as it is causing hurt and worry for the two parties. What are they then to do? Should they break up and move one with their lives to find yet again another “happy” relationship or work with this one’s problems and realize that problems are only phases they have to go through and the reward will be better in the end?

This is where the second nature of happiness enters the scene. Happiness, I believe is not only an instinctive feeling but at the same time also a decision that we should be making. Happiness is also a state of mind. Instead of wallowing in the sad and depressing situation, we could just see the good in it. You remember the old saying, you should not look at the glass as if it is half empty instead look at it and think to yourself, “That glass is half full.”

This idea is what I think is the essential of what we really have to learn from the daily experiences in our lives. We all have our disappointments and most of them had huge impact in our lives. Personally, there were my academic disappointments: low grades on exams and subjects I had devoted my time on, the unexpected drop from the honor roll list, and not to forget of course, like every other teen-age girl I had my own disappointments from the love department. Fortunately though, as every door closes a window always opens.

I was in the last year of high school when I fell in love the hardest for someone romantically. At that time, my love for that boy was my drug. It was obvious to everyone that I liked him and as they said I did not need to tell them for them to know. In a cheesier way they said I glowed with that love. It was, luckily, reciprocated by the boy. But, the happiness was short-lived. After a while, he was introduced to someone else and during that brief moment of knowing the other girl, he ended what was between us. So I was the one who was left hurt. I was feeling worst about myself. More than anything, I was insecure. I was insecure of how I was never musically inclined, how I never had a golden voice, how I was too opinionated and strong headed that no one can seem to keep up with me enough to stay in a relationship with me. Although I braved a strong front, only my family knows how I felt inside. I was certainly crushed by the whole incident.

Luckily, though, during the latter part of last year in high school, news of my acceptance to the University of the Philippines arrived. I could have never been more ecstatic in my life. I passed the university I was praying to get into and I could no be happier. Slowly, I changed how I looked at my situation. I realized that life is anything but perfect and upon my admittance to UP, I would have rather had my heart broken than not be admitted in the school I want to be in. Suddenly, I snapped from my depressed mood and changed my outlook to a better one.

As what I have learned from Taoism, we should take life as it presents itself. We must learn to deal with both the good and bad. I personally feel that in life we have more bad news and serious stuff to deal with than the happy moments. The problem is happiness is easily dealt with. It is in human nature to experience happiness and this is undeniably the easiest emotion to feel as there is no pain in being happy, but it is in the times that we are down that show the character of a person and how he can strongly deal with it. If after the hurricane, a person manages to come out inevitably scarred but successful, he is more of a person that someone who avoids pain. It seems that happiness has always been connected with pain, as the end of every painful and regrettable moment is always represented with the satisfying happiness and I don’t think that pleasure could be taken without the pain.

A beautiful quote from a forwarded SMS many years back read like this: Being happy does not mean that everything is perfect. This means that you manage to smile though everything sucks. There is always a big connection with optimism and happiness. For us to be happy, we have to decide to become happy. It is not only on our shining and glorious moments that we can be happy because if that is the case, we will be happy only for about less than a percent of the entirety in our lives. There is always a chance to become happy that hides in the cloaks of the impediments in our lives and it is all a matter of perspective. In a hard day’s work after all, we take it upon ourselves the task of relieving our minds with the burdens and misery of work or school and instead we could just think of something we could gain from the experience. In a relationship, we move on, leave the pain behind and take the lessons we learned with us and apply this to the next one. In a family, however dysfunctional it may be, we just love them unconditionally, knowing that after everything else, at the end of the day we have them by our sides to love us in the way nobody else could.

I also believe in what John Stuart Mill has said that happiness should be measured through its quantity than quality. This entails I believe, prioritizing the many things that makes us happy. If one gives a higher importance to instance A than instance B, he will rather have a short moment of happiness experiencing instance A than a long period of happiness with instance B. For example, a person loves to play the guitar and at the same time loves to play the basketball. In this given situation, let us assume than he finds greater pleasure in playing his guitar that playing the basketball, he would rather spend twenty minutes playing his guitar than spend an hour playing basketball. It is situations like this that one sees what are his real priorities.

Happiness is also, I agree with Aristotle’s genius, is the end of many things. In Aristotle’s original work in Greek, happiness is determined by the word eudaimonia when translated may also mean the good life. It is basically what we look forward to in all the pain and obstacles we go through, that we would have something better in the end. Why would parents leave the Philippines and their children behind to work as blue collared workers in other countries if not for the hope of a good life for their family, especially for their children?

If happiness could actually defined, what then makes us happy?

What makes each person happy is what serves them good. Usually these things are directed by their self-interests. These interests are usually cultivated in our childhood, by our parents and the environment we grew up in. I think that these interests usually determine the career path taken by the child. For example, a child who grew up on under a rigorous music training of an instrument or voice becomes a musician in his later life. But the career path is not the only thing that determines our interests. As we develop and age, we meet different people and through them we learn different fields of knowledge that we may later take interest upon. It is in performing these various activities and sharing them with people around us is that we take pleasure.

I remember a story in a text book when I was in grade school. This man, a shoe maker works throughout the whole day. This attitude makes the people around him, who also have their own day jobs, very curious about his work ethics. They think that without any rest that man must be crazy, working from day to night only resting during lunch and his evening sleep. When they finally got to talk to him, they were amazed with his answer. He told them, “I am not doing any work at all.” With this answer he appalled his detractors more. What does he do then, play all day? How could he possibly feed his family with that? Then, on a serious talk with the shoemaker they found out his secret, “I feel like I am just playing, in fact, it is like I don’t do any work as I enjoy my craft so much.”

This can also relate with the common scene with parents and their children when they are deciding which college and course their child will take. Since the parents have now taken a more modern stand, they will always say their children that they will support them in whatever path they do decide to take in college. In this way, parents believe, will the child be successful because “mahirap pilitin ang ayaw sa hindi naman gusto.” (It is hard to convince force someone into something they don’t like.) And the famed PLDT line, “Kung saan ka masaya, ‘ti, suportahan kita!” (I will support you whatever you decide to do.) But of course, not all children have these kinds of parents. In fact, when I asked my batch mates during the earlier part of the school year on what course they are going to take, they answered me with so much glee about their various plans about the future: to be writers, graphic artist, advertisers, architects and computer programmers. But as the year ends, many of them had taken nursing entrance exam in various schools. Asked whether they want to take nursing, the answer is the same, “I really did not want it, I did not even imagine myself as a nurse but my parents said that it would be beneficial for me and my family in the future, so I followed their advice.” Some of my friends who are already enrolled in different universities are even shifting in this incoming school year to nursing. As a common knowledge, nursing does indeed offer promising financial rewards, even right after graduation. But is it that really enough to make you sustain a job for the eternity of your life?

I would agree with anyone that money really opens more luxuries and in a way freedom to whoever has it. In fact, in our society, it is those who have money, the elite, who hold the respect and power of everyone. With money, anyone could easily take control and be the authoritative figure. This connotation is undeniably the reason why people lust and hunger for money plus, of course, it does the basics as it could pay the bills, their debts, buy anything there is in the world. Whose eye is not caught by the glitter of gold? But again, my question is, do the financial rewards of a job enough to make people happy?

Yes, I believe the financial rewards do make the people who chose nursing over their preferred jobs happy, mainly as it served their purpose: as they give their future children a chance at growing up in the luxuries they never had and securing a brighter future for them, they did serve their purpose, thus, this makes them happy. They think, in this way, they could also reward themselves with the sacrifice they make. So in that sense, they not only cater to the needs of their family, but also, they cater to what is more beneficial to his self. But there is also the argument that happiness, whatever kind it is, is always short-lived. As the happiness with the financial reward wears off, what then happens? What does he feel about his frustrated dream of becoming a writer? In this case, it is his family that he gives a greater importance to rather than a frustrated dream of becoming a writer. Since he values his family more than his desire to be a writer, he takes more pleasure in doing what’s best for his family as consequently seeing his family happy is a better consequence for him.

After having reflected upon these questions, what is it then that I want for Christmas, what is it that will make me happy right now?

Right now, after much thought and contemplation, material wealth is not what is important for me right now.

I wish for this Christmas: that my father receive his legal working papers in the United States as soon as possible as it is worrying me so much that he is in trouble anytime and my mom is missing him so much, that my mom remain in her job as long as I cannot work still, so my brother could also receive a good college education in an excellent university like what I am experiencing now, that my brother, although he may be lazy, pass in his examinations in the University of the Philippines so as he could fulfill a part of his dream and that my family will be together once again, in celebrating important holidays and occasions as we have not been complete for two years now.

I wonder if that same man who asked me what I want for Christmas can do anything for my Christmas wishes. Of course, he cannot do anything about them, besides, it’s too early to be thinking about Christmas wishes and the year has just practically started. At least, we all still have a year to work for these wishes to come true. And, I am hoping fervently that though I am incomplete in so many ways, my family will be satisfied and complete as this, more than anything else in the world gives me the truest sense of the word happiness.